Monthly Archives: November 2013

Finding the strings of your IUD

Ok, so, I thought you might be interested to hear more about how I found my strings. (Um if you don’t want to read about this…. STOP NOW!!!)

Here’s some things:
The cervix is like, a little fleshy knob inside.  It’s kind of hard to feel it at first – the texture is all pretty much the same.  Like super squishy and soft and, like….. exactly what you’d imagine a penis wants to feel.  (haha).  The cervix is a little bit stiffer than that… like more solid.  Where the vaginal canal just kind of squishes away if you push it, the cervix kind of holds its position more.  It’s a little hard to describe, and also, you’re at such an awkward angle when you’re pushing on it that you don’t have much leverage.  But I think this will give you an idea.

The strings don’t feel like strings.  It’s really more just like a rough patch that wasn’t there before.  Honestly, I felt them right away, but I wouldn’t have recognized it if my boyfriend hadn’t pointed out that the rough patch was a new thing. Like a kind of hard thing poking out.  Just go in expecting ONLY soft and squishy, and then anything that’s not that is probably the strings.  When I say soft and squishy, what I mean is like the inside of your cheek.  Which I guess is why blowjobs feel so amazing?  I don’t even know.  Man I want to try having a penis.

With a lot of finagling around and flexing, I *can* actually feel the longer string part.  That will also vary – it depends on how long they cut them.  And the strings kind of curl up and away so they’re a little hard to find. The strings feel a bit like fishing wire, if you know what that is like – like very fine plastic threads. DON’T pull them.

If you still can’t find them, go into the shower, and kind of squat down, and basically try and take a shit.  You’ll flex the right muscles and your cervix will squish down closer to your hand, and that should make it easier.  Also, you might poop on your hand (I did), so… watch out for that.

You could also get your significant other to dig around in there.  It’s supremely unsexy in one sense, but TOTALLY AWESOME in another sense.  I learned so much about my body!  So cool.

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Posted by on Sunday, November 24, 2013 in fractally weird


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It’s copper and they don’t know how it works! S- sounds great: sign me up.

Here’s what it was like getting an IUD!

So, the nurse practitioner who put my IUD in is really awesome. She took a lot of time to speak with me to make sure I felt like I had all of my questions answered, and understood the possible risks. She also went over the procedure, complete with a little model of the uterus and a demo version of the IUD itself.  Basically she stuck a little stick through the demo cervix up into the demo uterus, and then the demo IUD popped gently into place!  Then the little demo uterus sparkled and giggled and one tiny but perfect rainbow appeared above each demo fallopian tube.

Reality isn’t….. quite……. like that.

It’s really not too bad, though, and I’d say that if you’re at the point where you’ve thought about the possible negative side effects, you’ve looked into the risks associated with getting it put in, and you’ve figured out how it might fit with your lifestyle, there’s really nothing else to consider.  Definitely don’t let fear of the massive waves of unbearable pain stop you.

Haha, ok, I’m mostly kidding.  For me, the implantation procedure really only had 3 painful parts:

1. The beginning.

2. The middle.

3.  The end.

Haha!  Ok I’m mostly kidding again.  For real, the painful parts were 1. when she clamped my cervix, 2. When she “sounded” my cervix, and 3. When she actually put the IUD in.

I was pretty nervous when she started to prep the room for the procedure.  She lifted the towel off of a small, innocuous table in the corner and revealed a tray of tools.  These tools had clearly been rejected from the set of a horror film* for being too scary.  I didn’t see which long, curvy, spiky metal object she used to clamp my cervix, because she told me to look away and when someone has those kinds of tools in their hands, you do what they say.  But for me, the cervix-clamping part wasn’t that bad.  It felt kind of like someone was pinching me, and I didn’t really want them to be.  But, like, whatever.  No big deal.

THEN…. she stuck in the “sound” (which is basically a stick to measure the depth of your uterus).

Before I decided to get an IUD, I did a lot of research into what it would feel like.  I was especially worried about how much it was going to hurt.  From what I read, it really varies.  Some women experience a lot of pain, and some don’t really experience very much at all.  But, for those who experienced a lot of pain, they would frequently say the IUD insertion was like “really bad menstrual cramps, but worse.”  I get pretty bad menstrual cramps, and I’m no baby.  So when I compared my understanding of “but worse” to 10 years of worry-free birth control……I mean come on. It’s not even really a choice. So I wasn’t going to let that stop me, but I also didn’t think “but worse” would be that bad.

Here’s the thing.  You might actually have *no idea* what really bad cramps feel like.  I am now SO GRATEFUL for my not-so-terrible “pretty bad cramps”.  My NP explained that the uterus is really one big muscle, and when you stick something into it, the muscle cramps up.  Normal cramps are caused by rhythmic contractions of the uterus.  My cramps are like a dull, constant throbbing pain that radiates through my back and down into my legs.  When you get an IUD though, you basically have what is ONE GIANT MUSCLE suddenly completely cramping up in response to a stick being shoved into it.  It hurts! Regular cramps are downright gentle by comparison. Even the bad ones.

So yes, it hurt.  BUT.  The pain lasted for about 2 seconds.  Then she pulled the sound out and stuck the actual IUD in, which caused the whole business to cramp up again, and then it was over.  At that point the pain became exactly what I had been expecting, and felt pretty much like regular menstrual cramps.

Totally not a big deal.  Definitely not something to be that concerned about.  You can almost definitely handle it.

I spent the rest of the day in bed, although I didn’t actually need to.  So, yeah!  Basically it wasn’t that bad and I’m so happy I did it!  The next few days were a bit of a different story, but that’s another blog post…. 🙂

*Terrifying Dentist and Insane Lumberjack: Together At Last

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Posted by on Sunday, November 24, 2013 in fractally weird


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