Scientists have recently proven that males who do not wear underwear are more likely to experience extreme sexual dysfunction, crushing mental anguish, and unrelenting “ribbing” from their friends. Professor Pleaseputemon had this to say: “I am shocked that – in this day and age – anyone with a desire to lead a normal, fulfilling life would choose to parade around underwear-less. They must be completely unaware of the consequences. Or else they are simply insane.”
Scientists based their findings on several males who proudly flaunted their lack of underwear until, because of the extreme friction generated by the genitals constantly rubbing against the rough inside of the pants, the penis actually caught fire and fell off. Unfortunately there is no data to reveal the long-term consequences of wearing no underwear, because no subjects survived past the age of 21.
All males involved in the study emerged from the experience with a newfound respect for underwear. Mike Boxersandbriefs had this to say: “I didn’t wear underwear at all – even with jeans – until Dr. Underwearisgood showed me the dangers inherent in not wearing underwear. Thanks, Dr. Underwearisgood!”
The girlfriends of all of the men also thanked the scientists, citing their satisfaction with the findings of the study. When asked whether they thought wearing underwear had had a positive influence on their sex lives, the ladies replied “Oh yes! Yes! Yes yes yes yes YES YES YES YES YESSSSSSS OH GOOODDDD YESS!!!”