Steve Martin + Bill Murray = Neverending Fun Saturday, January 19, 2008
Steve Martin: The Great Flydini Saturday, January 19, 2008
It took me the whole video of wondering where the tiny person in his pants was to realize that it’s a fake arm.
The man on the bus Saturday, January 19, 2008
Me (riding the train on the way home from the grocery store, with a heavy suitcase full of groceries, a heavy backpack full of groceries, and ice on my shoulder from where I apparently injured myself yesterday).
Man (talking loudly to no one): I hate these morons who leave their backpacks on when they ride a crowded train!
Me (aware that he’s talking about me, but ignoring him):
Man (still talking to no one): It’s absolutely ridiculous! You take your damn backpack off when you get on the train!
We reach my stop. I turn around to ask the person behind me if he’ll pull the chord to signal the stop for me, since I can’t reach it with my injured arm, and my other arm is holding onto the pole so I don’t crash into the people around me. Unfortunately, I happen to be addressing the very fool who was earlier passively aggressively berating giving me advice.
Man (crossing his arms satisfactorily and grinning a sickening grin): No! You reach it yourself. You leave your backpack on to crash into the rest of us, you can reach the chord yourself.
Me (annoyed but pretty sure the train will stop at my stop anyway, since it’s a major stop)
Kindly Old Man: You should really take your backpack off when you get onto a crowded train.
Me (disbelieving, and now beginning to feel the first flares of anger): I can’t take my backpack off because I injured my shoulder yesterday.
Man: That sounds like a load of bullshit to me!
Me (now fully pissed and sorry my shoulder is injured so I can’t punch him in the face): FUCK you!
Man: Sounds like something you’ve been doing all day.
Me (leaving with my heavy bags and injured shoulder)
Other Guy with Girlfriend (loudly, to me, about the Man): What an asshole.
Me: *bursts into tears*
Come-backs I thought of on the way home:
1. “Oh wow, sir, that’s a real zinger - you really cut me to the core with that one. Did it take all of the testosterone squeezed from your one remaining testicle to come up with that?”
2. Just a quick, direct, punch to the balls.
